life...

Life is such a delicate thing, with a blink of the eye it disappears, it changes, it begins, it...

Since my last post (in April), a lot has happened...  My good friend & mentor passed away; relationships have been severed; and just tonight, I found out my uncle has an aneurysm that needs to be treated right away.  A lot of good has happened as well.  I got married!; My cousin got married!!! (in Maui!!!); My good friends got married!!! and so much more...

And yet, I continue to think that this roller coaster that we call life is so fragile.  On one hand, we find ourselves celebrating, having a great time, and the next day we find ourselves saddened by news that literally blindsides us.

I find myself asking the age old question that so many before me have asked... "what's it all mean?"  Is it for us to glorify God?  Is it for happiness?  To be stable and raise a happy family?

And yet, what keeps me up at night are a laundry list of other questions, "Am I doing the right thing for my family?", "Could I be a better husband/man?", "Is there a reason I find myself working at Starbucks, and not something... more?", and... "Why is it all so ... mediocre?"

Is God in my life?  Yes!  Do I find joy in what I do?  Yes!  Am I happy with my work, my family, my wife?  YES!

And those are the answers that I ultimately have to hold on to...  I don't have ALL the answers... and life... will always be the fragile roller coaster, it will have its ups... its downs... and its crashes...  But I honestly believe that God is still the one who holds it together...  God gives us peace and joy and contentment...  and God (as silly as this Sunday school statement sounds) is the answer.

There's a lot more to say here... about how death still scares me, about how I worry about the small decisions affecting my future family, about how I am still insecure, and about how sometimes (SOMETIMES) I don't feel adequate...

BUT... I have to remember that in my weakness, Christ is strong.  In the desert places, I will find strength.  AND, when I am most confused... I will seek the Lord.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 
   - 2 Corinthians 9-10