Blurry Dreams

When I was in middle school, I used to do a lot of reading late at night.  Sometimes, I would fall asleep with my glasses still on.  The next day, when my mom would wake me up, I would still have them on.  She would laugh at me and ask me why I was still wearing my glasses.  "Is it to see your dreams better?"

It's been awhile since I fell asleep with my glasses, but sometimes I ask myself if I can really see my dreams clearly.  Vision for life sometimes becomes blurry, especially during transition times.  And when it becomes blurry it is hard to tell if you are going the right way or not.  Dreams, hopes, aspirations can all become difficult to put down in words.  They can become distorted, changed, then forgotten all together.

As I look back into my life, I can remember a time when I thought I was going to be martyred for Christ before I hit 21.  I can remember telling people that I was going to quit junior high school to become a missionary.  I can remember being so zealous that I yelled at the top of my lungs for God to break me down into pieces and mold me as He saw fit.

I'm 30 going on 31 this year, and I haven't been martyred.  I managed to finish high school.  But, God is holding me to something.  He continues to work in my life, breaking off pieces that don't fit His design, and molding me into something different, something changed, something beautiful.

God is faithful.  

I drop out of college.

God is faithful.

I stop going to church.

God is faithful.

My work starts to consume my life.

God is faithful.

Life doesn't go as planned.

God is faithful.

...

...

...

...

God IS faithful.

Maybe I find a wife.

God IS faithful.

Maybe I stay single forever.

God IS faithful.

Maybe I never make the millions of dollars I planned. (maybe I do)

God IS faithful.

Maybe I help my friend who doesn't have a home. (maybe I ignore him)

God IS faithful.

Maybe I cry myself to sleep.  (maybe I don't)

God IS FAITHFUL!

So, in it all, even though our dreams fade, and we forget why we started down this path.  Our one love, our passion, our Lord continues to have His eyes on the prize.  That we draw closer to Him.

And today, I say this: 

"I serve at the pleasure of my Lord."

And tomorrow, I start over, and say again:

"I serve at the pleasure of my Lord."... and again, and again, and again...

"Therefore I glory in Christ Jesus in my service to God." - Romans 15:17